lost boy lost girl - A Novel by Peter Straub - REVIEW

lost boy lost girl - A Novel by Peter Straub

The book jacket states:

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR lost boy lost girl

"A strange and wonderful webwork of a book. It's a murder mystery, a ghost story, a haunted house tale, a serial killer tale, while also being an examination of the ways in which family ties bind us and hold us down, and how those ties can be loosened. It's funny, and heartwarming, and genuinely scary, and unsettling all at the same time. It left me asking,"How the hell does he do that?" - while also wanting to force other people to read it and ask if it had the same effect on them." - Neil Gaiman

Ok, Mr. Gaiman...here's my response to your challenge. And now that I've finished the book, let me use YOUR OWN words to say...I think the only way anyone should read this book is if you are FORCED to do so by Mr. Gaiman.

The quip on the jacket makes it seem like THE PERFECT BOOK. Haunted house, ghost, murder, serial killer...how can you go wrong? Well, Peter Straub went horribly wrong. At just 281 pages, this book isn't long enough to comprehensively cover ONE of these subjects, much less ALL OF THEM. The result is a choppy, disjointed montage of bits & pieces of interesting fiction. But all thrown together in a haphazard, disorderly fashion. None of these multiple subjects is ever actually explored with any depth or insight. The potential of the many stories lines is recognized and then rapidly discarded into a jumble of WTF? Nothing in this story is brought to a satisfying conclusion. Mr. Straub even takes the beauty out of a "possibly" satisfying love story by conjuring up scenes of distasteful sex. The participants are not of this world any longer...can't it just be nice...without dragging all that other bullshit into the picture? He insinuates that by pursuing this angle in the afterlife that the victim somehow regains dignity and control of the situation that happened when she was alive. Give me a break. This book had potential to be at least good, but slid down into absolute trash. Don't waste your time on this...do something useful like cleaning the toilet instead. It will be more resourceful and undoubtedly more satisfying.

lost boy lost girl by Peter Straub gets an EYEBALL DOWN from JudgedByJody!

My Special Valentine - REVIEW

My Special Valentine
The uber cool & handsome Nephew
(I gave him this...it says "Here's Your Dang Candy")
Sat Jan 14 2009 @ 7pm

He got me a bunch of nifty gifties. He was very polite (as usual) during dinner and
quite the little gentleman. We had great dinner conversation. He is one of the funniest
people I know. He makes me laugh so much. And he usually manages to get me in
trouble with his mother because I'm "a bad influence" or "inappropriate". ME?
How could that be? Surely you mistook me for someone else.



This is what I gave him to in appreciation of picking me as his Special Valentine:

Bakugan Starter Pack (the one with 3 balls)
Bakugan Launcher (Bakugan is the new hot game with kids)
A chocolate dog
Some JudgedByJody edible gummy eyeballs
A box of dang chocolates
The pink box is for his MOM...its full of s'more candy




So if you want a GREAT Valentine for next year...you would be lucky to get him. But you
just better know...I won't give him up without a fight...








My Special Valentine gets and EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

1st Valentine's Dinner / Humble City Cafe (3rd REVIEW)

Humble City Cafe
119 E Main St
Humble TX

We enjoyed our 1st of 3 Valentine dinners on Thursday. We double-dated with our friends D & S. We met up at the Humble City Cafe. We were actually running late due to traffic (that NEVER happens). Our friend S called and bitched at us because she was hungry and we were taking too long. Happy Valentine's Day.

We got there & exchanged Valentine's gifts. We got them each candy. They gave us some pop rocks from Japan that were not even inspected for sale or consumption within the Continental United States. We haven't eaten them yet...but I'm guessing the treats are flaked with pieces of cardboard and/or head lice. We are saving them for a special occasion.

D & I ordered the "All You Can Eat" catfish. The dinner came with coleslaw, fries, fish, hush puppies & apples cooked in RED HOTS. Everything was exceptional.

The Other got a club sandwich with homemade chips. (That's what she gets EVERY time...that crap must be GOOD).

S got a hamburger that was bigger than her head. She stated that it was excellent & she would definitely eat at Humble City Cafe again.

For dessert, we had Skillet Apple Pie. This stuff was perfect. It was served in a cast-iron skillet with a glob of ice cream on top. It was smothered in brandy sauce which sizzled on the metal like fajitas. This dessert was THE BOMB.

We enjoyed the dinner and enjoyed spending time with our friends. Everybody was happy with the experience. We are looking forward to meeting there again soon.

Kudos to our waiter Bruno. He served up exceptional service as usual. His section was busy, yet he worked it & made sure everyone was satisfied.

(My only bad memory of the occasion was the fact that both our friends got up at the same time to enjoy a bowel movement (do ALL married people do that?) and the Other & I were left sitting there staring at each other. AND THEN..they had the nerve to TEXT from the bathroom...Someone needs to Google ETIQUETTE).

<--------photographic proof

Humble City Cafe gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

3rd Valentine's Dinner / Daily Review Restaurant

Daily Review

3412 Lamar

Houston

Sat Feb 14 @ 1pm

On Valentine's day, we double-dated with friends to a restaurant near downtown called

Daily Review.

The only reason we ended up being their Valentines is because we answered when they texted. They actually waited until the last minute to even ask us. (The were holding out for a better option). How did they know that we weren't already booked? Lucky for them we weren't. Lucky for them we answered the text. Very LUCKY.

We sat in the courtyard at Daily Review. The weather was a bit chilly, but we drank some Bloody Marys to warm up.They were serving a lunch menu and also a brunch menu.

Our friend R got eggs with sirloin.

The OTHER got salmon & eggs.

K & I both got the Southern Fried Chicken Breast. It came with black-eyed peas, mashed potatoes, corn and pepper gravy. We both ate every bit of EVERYTHING. We almost licked the glaze off the plate.

The food was absolutely great. The prices were reasonable for a"fancy" restaurant. However, it was a holiday & someone should have had the foresight to know people would GO OUT TO EAT.
The serving staff was short-handed. We got the worst service on earth. The place wasn't packed, but I really only ever saw 1 waiter and the greeter. They were probably running the bar & the kitchen too for how long it took to get anything from them.

I would eat here again because the food was so good. I will give them ONE more chance with the shitty service.

We had a great Valentine's dinner with our Valentines, in spite of the crappy service. For now, I will give Daily Review the benefit of the doubt (my friend R says the service has always been excellent & that this was an exception)

http://www.dailyreviewcafe.com/

Daily Review gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

2nd Valentine's Dinner / Comala Mexican Cafe (2nd REVIEW)

Comala Mexican Cafe
5310 E Sam Hou Parkway
Houston, TX
Friday Feb 13, 7pm




I have had the same SPECIAL VALENTINE for the past 7 years. Once my nephew was born, he has pretty much had a lock on that position. He always makes sure he asks me way in advance if I want to be his Valentine. He buys good presents like candy & flowers. And he always dresses up when we go out. He's quite the little gentleman.

We chose Comala as our Valentine dinner spot. We went on Friday night, the day before VD. He & I were accompanied by his mom (my sister) and my Other. We actually had to push another table up to ours to make room for all the gift bags & presents that everyone had brought.
The chips were good. We ordered some queso. My nephew spilled his soda in the chips. I spilled the salsa on the menu. It was a disaster area.

My sister ordered soft fajita tacos. She only ate one and gave me the other one to take home, so I'm not sure if she liked it or not. The OTHER ordered cheese enchiladas. She stated that they were not up to their usual "goodness". My Nephew got tamales. He ate them, so they must have been good. But when I cut them up for him, they looked kind of beige & washed out. Rubbery and yucky. But he ate them, so who am I to say anything?


The SPECIAL for the night was "Red Snapper". My sister was wanting to try it, but she never tries anything different. My nephew wanted to try it too, so they decided that I could order it. That's how things roll. They don't want to commit to getting a crappy entree, so they let JODY do it.

In case you did not know, I am Caucasian. I am whiter than Casper. The reason I mention this, is that sometimes ethnically, people do things a bit different. Its all about the culture. Well...I ain't got no culture. And my mother hated seafood, so she never cooked it at home. So basically, I wasn't much of a fish eater until adulthood (wink-wink).
OK...back on track now.

I ordered the red snapper. When the waitress delivered my plate, I almost did the "CAFE MICHAEL BURGER". The dat durn snapper was looking back at me. I couldn't figure out who's eyes were bigger. Well, at least my eyes hadn't been fried in boiling oil. I was served the entire fish. Head & tail & everything. And it looked like a piranha. It had sharp little teeth protruding trying to bite me as I bit it.












Now don't get me wrong. I ate that fish's ass up. But it was a bit gruesome having to watch him watch me. I have been around Mexican cuisine enough to know that the whole fish isn't unusual. I guess I just wasn't thinking when I ordered it. And my sister, who had almost ordered it...really did shit her pants. The Other said "If I had ordered that, when they brought it, they would have to have just taken it back. I don't care who's feelings it hurt".


Well...I'm happy to say that I didn't hurt any one's feelings. Not the chef. Not the fish. And I must say that the fish was very good. Quite tasty actually.

Since it was a special occasion, we ordered the "fried ice`cream". They brought it over & it looked like a banana split. There was a fried bit of ice cream the size of a golf ball in there, but it was soggy & tasteless. The most amazing part of the ice cream was the fact that there were SALTINE CRACKERS sticking out of the sides. My sister was appalled. "What in the hell is this?". We just pulled out the crackers & ate the other stuff. I have polled my Hispanic pals & none of them are familiar with crackers & ice cream.

I won't give Comala an eyeball down for the whole fish. That was my own fault. But because there were complaints with the cheese enchiladas and the fried ice cream was a train wreck, I gotta give my favorite Mexican restaurant a sad face.

.

____________________________________________________________________

Comala Mexican Cafe gets an EYEBALL DOWN from JudgedByJody!

Shae Champagne (Drag Queen) - Whispers Bar

Shae Champagne

Whispers Bar
226 1st St E

Humble TX

Every Thursday at Whispers Bar in Humble its Karaoke Nite with

Shae Champagne

The presence of this enigmatic Drag Queen
transforms an ordinary night at the bar
into a veritable Las Vegas Burlesque Show.

Shae Champagne is the quintessential ENTERTAINER.
She is energetic, enthusiastic and has the crowd
eating out of her exquisitely manicured hands.

She is friendly and funny. Just sitting in the same
room with her fills one with an inner giddiness that's
indescribable.

Her rendition of Dolly Parton is spot on. Shae is a bit
taller and her boobs are less protrusive, but when she
does her "Jesus & Gravity" routine...you actually think
that you have been transported to Pigeon Forge, TN and are
looking at Dolly herself.

Shae Champagne is the total package. She's not just
"champagne", she is Dom Perignon.

I absolutely love watching Shae do her shtick. Give
her a microphone & stand back. You leave hours later feeling
refreshed and fulfilled (as if you've just seen a great Cher
concert).

She's beautiful, sensual, sexual and enticing. She dresses
immaculately and never looks anything less than wonderful. And
she smells really, really good. (I'm kind of scaring myself now...
can a lesbian fall in love with a Drag Queen?)

I am but a mere human with limited words in which to describe
something that is beyond my comprehension. Shae makes me laugh.
She makes me gasp. When I walk out of Whispers for home, I
always feel better than I did when I went in...Thanks to Shae.

Shae Champagne is the hottest drag queen karaoke show in town...
maybe even in the entire universe.

Shae Champagne gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

Crackling Man Restaurant - Barrett Station - REVIEW

Crackling Man Restaurant
Crosby-Lynchburg Road
Barrett Station Tx
Saturday Feb 7, 2009
6pm









If you are a fan of cracklings, then you need to get them from the CRACKLING MAN.

Hot & crispy. Pop on the hot sauce & close your eyes with delight.

CRACKLING MAN used to sell the "cracks" outta the back of his pickup truck in this same
location every weekend. Now he's built a snack shack & is there every day. He sells other
stuff, but we haven't been lucky enough to try it yet. We will.


You get a zip lock sandwich bag of cracklings for $6. It might sound expensive, but believe me
its worth every penny. (For those who do not know, a crackling is a piece of pork skin that is
fried to crunchy crispness. Its not like a pork skin which is fluffy & light. The crackling is a
square chunk of heavy goodness...the best ones have a strip of pork meat still attached)













Crackling Man gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

Quiznos (Crosby) - REVIEW

Quiznos

14405 FM 2100

Crosby, TX

Thursday Jan 1, 2009

6pm

Stopped in here because I was in the mood for a sandwich. There's a Subway in Crosby, but

every time I go there it takes SO FRICKING LONG. I didn't have 20 years to spare, so I

chose QUIZNOS instead.

The food here was good. I have no complaints about the product. But I will NEVER go to this

place again. NEVER. EVER. EVER.

When we walked in, there were 6 other people in the restaurant (plus 2 workers). People were

just loitering everywhere. And everybody was staring a hole in us. It was absolutely bizarre.

While ordering, the picture became crystal clear. All these people standing around actually

WORKED THERE. They seemed to be OFF THE CLOCK. But they were still taking up prime

real estate & eyeballing everyone. Plus everybody seemed to be eating or drinking something.

Guess they hang around after work for the FREE FOOD. I don't know the story, but it looks like they were a bunch of bo-hunking redneck, hillbilly (I'm married to my cousin) ugly asses who treat this place like their HOME. Its kinda like that too. Eating my sandwich, I felt like I was sitting up in a strangers house. All of them were talking across the restaurant. And some guy that was possibly the owner was sitting at a corner table with another guy playing DOMINOES. Not quietly. They were playing like when you SLAP the bone on the table, all loud as hell and

shit. And when this guy was thinking about his move, he would rub the domino around on

his fat bald head. Nice...that is perfect dining ambiance.

When I thought it couldn't get any worse...THREE MORE workers came in & sat down.

That is so much bullshit. The last thing I want to do while eating is watch a fat guy molest

a domino and listen to a gaggle of corn-pone bubbas twang about their hard day at work at

QUIZNOS....I guess it was SO BAD, that they hauled ass back up there to hang around for free.

And the two people actually WORKING were worthless. Got the order wrong. I said...just

give me what you made. I ate it & got the hell out of there. I consider myself lucky that I

got out before I was impregnated by my brother's aunt's sister's brother-in-law's grandpappy.

(This place is such a LOSER that I am giving them a whole different rating...EYEBALL DOWN

just isn't enough for this experience)

QUIZNOS in Crosby gets an AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE EYEBALL from JudgedByJody!

Dairy Queen (Crosby) - REVIEW

Dairy Queen

14072 FM 2100

Crosby, TX

Thursday, Jan 1, 2009 7pm

I met up with my sister & 7-yr-old nephew to have a bite & some scrumptious dessert. My kin folk had to drive all the way from Channelview, so it was a special occasion, worthy of eating a big hunk o' ice cream. My sister had a burger which I did not taste (but the darn think oozed with mustard. I could smell it wafting off of the bun & you know I HATE mustard on my burgers).

My nephew & I got steak fingers. My nephew didn't like them. He said they were "Gross".

I liked them until he said that. And his face was all screwed up and disgusted and he looked like he smelled a big ole pile of dogshit. Then they didn't taste too good to me either. So we mostly just ate the fries & gravy. Oh yes...I said gravy. I love me some gravy. It should be in its own

food group. Actually, I had to go up & ask for some more gravy so that we could finish our snack.

Just my luck, there were about 6 teenagers working there, but at that exact time they

were all lounging around behind the counter EATING. HELLO??? I came here to EAT, not to

WATCH YOU EAT! The kid came to the register to take my order & he couldn't even talk because he had a wad of food in his jaw, looking like a chipmunk & there were crumbs all over

his face. He looked like he fell face-first into a box of granola. Nice..really, really nice.

For dessert, my sister got the Choco-Cherry Love Blizzard. She said it was good but she didn't offer me a taste of it, so I'll never know...(sigh).

My nephew & I shared a strawberry sundae in a chocolate coated waffle bowl. Ours looked a lot better than it tasted. Don't get me wrong, I tore it up. But I'm thinking DQ should be a little bit better than just ordinary. Let me interject here that my sister was monopolizing my attention by asking me 10,000 questions about any & every thing...and while I was thus preoccupied, my nephew ate 95% of the damn sundae. All I got at the end was a soggy bit of waffle cone & some watered-down whipped cream that looked like his backwash.

I enjoyed spending time with my peeps. The food was mediocre. I personally think that

DAIRY QUEEN in Crosby can try a little harder...

DAIRY QUEEN (Crosby) gets an EYEBALL DOWN from JudgedByJody!

Cafe Michael Burger (Galveston) - REVIEW

Cafe Michael Burger

11150 San Luis Pass

(Seawall Blvd)

Galveston, TX

Saturday Feb 7, 2009

We styled on down to Galveston for a day enjoying the surf. My little chi-dog (the cutest, most gorgeous baboo in the universe) likes to sit in the back of the Explorer & bark at the seagulls.

We enjoyed the day for quite a while. If you haven't been to Galveston since Hurricane Ike,

be advised that the island is still rebuilding itself. There is destruction everywhere. But there

are plenty of businesses picking themselves up & moving on. We went to the Pocket Park which

was clean enough. But obviously, there are no facilities. So ya gotta keep your beverage intake

to a minimum. (No place to pee)

It was getting close to lunch time, so we googled on my friends high-tech phone to find a place to

eat. We decided on a place with good reviews called Cafe Michael Burger. We agreed that we would lounge around a bit more before we headed out to find the restaurant.

Well, as fate would have it...my friend's irritable bowel picked that exact time to start acting up.

She had to poo like a mo-fo. I thought she was gonna soil her pants before I could get the doors

closed on the Ford and drive outta there. She was cursing and praying and squirming on the seat. We were definitely in a 911 situation. Her exact words were "We don't have time to find

the damn restaurant, just find me somewhere to shit before I shit my pants". Well, that kind

of sealed the deal. We would pull into the VERY FIRST place we saw.

The funny part is...(other than my friend making s'mores in her granny panties) was that

as soon as we drove onto the highway, the very first place we saw was CAFE MICHAEL BURGER. How bizarre. And how lucky. It was such a critical situation that I didn't even have

time to park...I had to drop her at the door before she dropped her load.

Once her issue was resolved (how in the hell does she think that Galveston can recover from

THAT so closely after Ike) we ordered a couple of burgers and and ate our lunch (she obviously

needed a deposit after her recent withdrawal). I got a burger with guacamole. Her's had bacon.

Both of them were absolutely fabulous. The meat was tasty. The vegetables were fresh. The price was a little steep at $6 each WITHOUT fries. They don't have fries. They had something called German Fries which turned out to be very delicious. They were cubed potatoes that had

smokey seasoning to them.

If you don't mind paying for the quality...head on over to MICHAELS. You won't be sorry.

p.s. That's kind of a stupid name...Cafe Michael Burger....WTF?

p.s.s. My friend liked the restroom...AND THE BURGER

http://www.galveston.com/cafemichaelburger/

Cafe Michael Burger gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

Humble City Cafe - REVIEW

Humble City Cafe

200 E Main St

Humble

January 29, 2009 7pm

I saw a couple of reviews online for this place so we decided to try it out for ourselves. This restaurant is in old town Humble. Just being on the street makes you feel like you've stepped back 50 years in time. The restaurant itself is decorated with nostalgic signs. This place is really big with plenty of seating. It wasn't very crowded on this Thursday night. Our waiter brought over a small cast-iron skillet of cornbread, fresh rolls & cinnamon butter. (Right then I KNEW I was gonna like this place).

I ordered the vegetable plate which consisted of any four veggies from the menu. My choices were: black-eyed peas, mashed potatoes, sauteed cabbage and grilled squash. And of course I had to get some GRAVY on the side. I have to test the gravy. Its part of my J-O-B as a food critic. Sheesh, you people act like I WANT to eat a bowl of gravy. Gimme a break. My vegetables were hearty & filling. Everything was good.

My friend got the club sandwich with home-made chips. The chips were great. The sandwich was exceptional also. No complaints here.

Of course, I was so full I could have popped (I looked like that blueberry girl on Willie Wonka). But I must trudge on for my followers. So I asked to see the dessert menu. My, oh my. There was tons of decadent stuff on there like home-made banana pudding & fried ice-cream. I chose the Italian Cream Cake. And let me tell you...it was a little slice of ecstasy.

Our waiter was very helpful & friendly.(Shout-out to Bruno!)

http://humblecitycafe.com/

Humble City Cafe gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

PetSmart (Wallisville & BW8) - REVIEW

PetSmart

5941 E Sam Houston Pkwy

Sat Jan 31, 20096pm

If your PET is SMART...he won't come to PETSMART on a Saturday night.

On our way out to eat (and critique), we had to stop and get some dog food for the most precious, wonderful, perfect baby-dumpling on the face of the earth. This is the closest pet store to us. We go here quite often, but on this Saturday night, I must say...it sucked. No, let me restate that...IT SUCKED!

There were approximately 6 people in line to be checked out.
Of course the lady who was first in line had some kind of ISSUE (don't they ALWAYS) (I can only imagine that her goldfish died & she got a free replacement, but standing at the counter she remembered that the old fish had just eaten, and not one to waste anything, she proceeded to perform cpr on the poor fish in hopes that the food would shoot out of his mouth or his little fishy ass, so that she could recycle it for her new fish)(OK, thats prolly not what was happening, but at least you get a SENSE of the situation)

There were 2 registers open. The 1st one had ALL OF US in it. The second one had 5...yes I said FIVE workers standing around talking. There was also another worker standing near the register pushing a squeaky toy back & forth on the peg board, not even attempting to "look" busy)

My observation of DO NOT SHOP HERE on SATURDAY is because of this situation. ALL the workers were teenagers. It obvious that the older workers with seniority do not work weekends. But the kids do. It just seems like PetSmart would be PeopleSmart enough to know that young/new workers need management & guidance.
(My friend says that we are old biddies and young whipper snappers irritate us no matter what they do)

I will visit this store again & give them the chance to prove me wrong. Until then, my eyeball down stands!

PetSmart gets an EYEBALL DOWN from JudgedByJody!

Le Madeleine Bakery (Rice Village) - REVIEW

Le Madeleine Bakery

6205 Kirby

(Rice Village)

January 23, 2009 10pm

After having dinner & walking around Rice Village, we decided to indulge in a dessert. We sauntered into Le Madeleine & chose the tiramisu. We also got piggy and ordered a miniature strawberry cheesecake (in a shot glass). The tiramisu was perfect. The cheesecake shots were ok, seemed to be lacking something, but I think it was just their unfortunate luck to get eaten AFTER the Tiramisu. Honestly, EVERYTHING is a let-down after the Tiramisu.

And on our way out, we got 2 mini quiches to go (with fresh croissants). We heated these up in the toaster oven the next morning & they tasted fabulous. One was Lorraine & one was spinach. Both were extremely tasty. And the croissants held their crunch through the next day.

http://www.lamadeleine.com/

Le Madeleine gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!

Whispers Bar (Humble) - REVIEW

WHISPERS BAR

226 1st St East

Humble

January 29, 2009

8:30pm to Midnight


We were referred to this bar by our waiter at a restaurant here in the Humble area.

Whispers Bar has been in business for approximately 2 years. The owners are Cathy & Lori.

This place is very friendly and welcoming of any and all customers. The night we happened by was Karaoke Nite, hosted by Drag Queen SHAE CHAMPAGNE. Being a Thursday nite, the bar wasn't overly crowded, but there was a fun time to be had. The drink special was a mason-jar sized Long Island Iced Tea for $5. These things are HUGE!

Shae did a wonderful job with her emcee duties. She made us laugh. And she does a great rendition of "Great Balls Of Fire" (although she may be singing about her secret medical condition - those damn pantyhose).

We dropped by for a drink & ended up staying late into the night. Everyone here was extremely nice & friendly. Cathy is a great bartender. So if you are sick & tired of the BAR SCENE & feel like you just want to go HOME...then make WHISPERS your new home.

http://www.whispersbar.com/

Whispers Bar gets an EYEBALL UP from JudgedByJody!